Getting Out of Your Funk

Today I would like to talk about those moments when we feel “stuck,” frustrated or having an upside down kind of day.

I was having an emotionally difficult day a few months back.  As I contemplated how to handle the challenges in front of me I received a call from a friend I met several months ago.  She updated me on her husband serving in Afghanistan and the extreme heat they were having.  He’s been working evenings to avoid the heat and attempts to sleep during the day.  I tried to imagine what his life must be like being in such an intense environment and so far away from his family.  After that call I asked myself how could I even begin to fret over my challenges that now seemed miniscule?

I thought back to a year ago when I found myself having not just a bad day but what felt like a bad month.  It seemed like each day rolled into the next and my mood wasn’t improving.  Every so often there would be an event that provided a ray of sunshine and I hoped it would finally bring me out from under the cloud of despair.

What I finally realized is that no one could bring me out of this moment I was having, be it a very long moment, except myself.   I gathered up some writing supplies and went to a location where I could just allow myself the private time I needed.  I sat there for hours writing, thinking, and just allowing each thought to come and go.  For two straight days I did this and received a really awesome insight!

When we are feeling a bit low the last thing that most of us feel like doing is reaching out to someone.  We don’t want to “burden them with our problems.”  Yet, how many times do our friends tell us, “call me anytime you need to talk.”  Our closest friends are usually the ones that are willing to listen and maybe even provide just the words we need to hear to take those next steps.

However, the message I received wasn’t that simple.  In fact, it felt much more daunting at the time.  I don’t know about you, but when I am having a difficult time I want to close myself off to the world and be left alone with my thoughts.  Trying to sort everything out.   Well, this little voice told me I really should to be doing exactly the opposite and it would pull me out of my funk even faster.  The idea was to connect with someone and tell them how much I care or provide some random act of kindness.  In fact, if this funk you are in was created because of a disagreement with a specific person, then the idea and real challenge was to find something positive to say or do for that person!

So I put it to the test.  Sure enough I felt better and it seemed that the lines of communication opened right up!   I thought about Bruce Lee, “Be like water.  Empty your mind.  Be formless.  Shapeless. Now water can flow or it can crash.  Be water my friend.  Running water never grows stale.  So you just gotta keep on flowing.”

I also thought about my Native connection with animals and the lessons they teach us.  I imagined a beaver creating a dam and stopping the river flow.  I realized what Bruce Lee was saying about being like water.  I needed to find a way to break through my personal dam so that my river of life could continue to flow freely.   My dam was various built up emotions – fear, worry, hurt, etc.  In order for the currents of life to flow freely again I needed to stop focusing on my problems and reach out to others.  By lending a hand to others we in turn can often see our solution.

I also came to the conclusion that no one can make us feel any particular way.  Perhaps one of the hardest concepts to realize is that we choose to feel the way we do, whether we’re feeling angry, sad, hurt, happy, joyful, excited, etc.  Each of us decide moment to moment how we are going to feel or handle a situation.

With everything that happens in life we are given a choice. Do we want to be more aware and take responsibility for our emotions or simply blame someone else for how we are feeling?   Even inaction is a choice.  There are times that it’s better not to do anything until we can look at the event from varying perspectives.

With that beings said, I would like you to consider the difference in these two statements.

–       “I felt hurt when you said/did ‘xxxx’.”

–       “You hurt me when you said/did ‘xxxx’.”

Both statements sound similar, however, one is expressing their feelings on the situation and the other comes across more accusatory.

If we grew up in an environment where we learned to become angry when someone says or does something that caused some hurt feelings, then that is how people from that environment will continue to react until they learn otherwise. The other word I just used that is crucial is “react!” Steve Chandler pointed out in his book, “Fearless” that “reacting” and “creating” are spelled with the same letters, but both words mean something completely different. Most people grow up learning how to react to situations. I’m now learning to be mindful of this and create my desired outcome. Not always an easy task, sometimes I fail miserably as I continue to learn how to make changes to these old patterns.  However, I’ve at least learned something new that feels a lot better.  I hope you will find this helpful as well.

As you go through the next few days and weeks, I invite you to use some of these suggestions.  Ask yourself, “How are things in my life flowing?”  Could you use some reconnecting to release past hurts and/or judgments?

Remember, emotions are given to us for a reason.  We experience being hurt when we touch something hot so that we don’t damage our body by continuing to play with fire or touch a hot stove.  We cry when we feel sadness, anger, hurt, happiness, and excitement because of what that experience represents for us.   Emotions provide us the opportunity to look at a situation and take action.  If you allow yourself the moment(s) that you need to process what you are feeling, especially when the emotion doesn’t feel good, then you can move from sadness to being joyful.  We have varying emotions for a reason.  We are exquisite human beings that get to experience the amazing nectar of life.  Realize that each emotion serves a purpose, understand that process and then move forward.  It’s when we carry those emotions with us longer than we need to that they start becoming a dark weight hanging onto us.  That’s when it starts becoming an issue emotionally, mentally and physically.  I often tell people that when you feel you need a good cry, then let it flow.  It’s the soul’s way of cleansing and opening your heart for the next level of learning.

For me, I went through an angry period after Troy Davis was put to death.  However, I turned those emotions into action and am now a stronger advocate than before for human rights.  If we recognize each situation in our lives and the world around us as a lesson, then it opens the door for us to decide what we are willing to do to be part of the change.

Thank you once again for sharing your time with me and allowing me to share with you what I have learned. I would enjoy receiving your feedback and/or any questions you may have.  Feel free to call, email or schedule a Skype chat with me!

My hope is that together we can become more aware of how we are handling life’s challenges, which will allow us to become better with our communication and compassion toward one another.

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‎”People inflict pain on others in their selfish pursuit of happiness and satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood. We need to cultivate a sense of universal responsibility for one another and the planet we share.” ~ Dalai Lama

‎”My life is full of mistakes. They’re like so many pebbles that make a good road.” ~ Unknown

 “A life is not important except of the impact it has on other lives. “ ~ Jackie Robinson